Rhythms of Resilience: The Heart of an Everyday Mom

This week on The Whole Motherload, Jackie sits down with Whitney Vogrinec, an “everyday mom” of two. Whitney opens up about the rhythms of love she builds with her kids, the resilience she hopes to pass on, and the importance of sharing the load with other moms.

From bedtime routines and four-year-old honesty to lessons from her own health struggles, Whitney reminds us that whole mothering doesn’t mean perfect mothering. It means embracing the mess, leaning on community, and staying connected to the full self—physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• Why moms were never meant to do this alone.
• The small, everyday rhythms that help kids feel unconditional love.
• Teaching resilience by letting kids face challenges.
• Whole mothering: nurturing not just kids, but the whole self.
• The importance of mothers taking care of their own health.

Resources Mentioned:

• Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You by Nancy Tillman (Affiliate Link)
• Emie Willow Books - By supporting this new author, you are supporting this show! 

Transcript

Today, we have Whitney Vogrinec. Hello, Whitney. Glad you're here today.

Hi.

Whitney is a mom of two girls who is passionate about women's health and finding your support system as a mom. She lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but her heart lives at the beach in Florida. Her favorite thing is chatting with women on a walk or over a fresh Diet Coke. Thank you so much for being here.

Thanks, Jackie. I'm so excited.

What do I love about when we connect on a different level? We've just clicked. You're younger than me by a few years. You're actually one of my daughters' ages. You guys are friends, and I'm friends with a lot of your siblings and your parents. We're just connected in a different way. But you and I, when we sit down and talk, it's like we go deep. We have this connection that I think we get to some of her topics, and it's just really fun. And I thought, if I'm going to have a conversation and we just record the conversation, let people listen in, I think it'd be fun to talk to Whitney. So Whitney is an everyday mom, and that's what we're going to talk about today. She was like, I don't know what I have to share. What was your hesitation?

Well, yeah, because I'm an everyday mom. I went through some pretty big personal challenges the year before I had my first baby that have been pretty public about with mental health and different things. And so usually, when people reach out to me, it's like, Hey, can you come talk to us about mental health and these various things and suicidal ideation and some different things than that. And that's a whole other story. But since I've become a mom, it's been a new life, a rebirth, and it's been a lot more quiet, which I love. Actually, I love it. It's a I always hope to have, but it is not glamorous. I didn't know if anyone would find my life very interesting. It's like, I'm always like, my life revolves around everyone's poops. So that's like, revolves around that and food and books and snuggles. That is my life.

So everyday mom. Every day mom. I I absolutely love that because when you think about the people who are in it, that's exactly what it is, right? The people who would get the most from this type of a Mom podcast. And I think that's why you're perfect for this is because you're totally in it. It is amazing in its own way.

It is. And it's special to you, right? All mothers are different, and they have their own reasons for why they became a mother. Sometimes it was intentional, sometimes it was not intentional, right? And I've been a mom that works, and now I'm a stay at home mom. And every mother is different and has their own story, but I think that's what makes it special.

Anyways. You've also mentioned things that you think all moms need. Talk about that.

Yeah. I'm really passionate about moms, momming together. I had a friend once a baby shower, actually. We were chatting about how things have changed culturally, and specifically the Western world, and especially when it comes to parenting. And she was like, you just need a gaggle of kids. You need a gaggle of kids to send your kids, and they play, and they're together, and they're happy, and they come to you when they're hurt or they need food or something, and you help them, and you're there with them, and then they go off and play, and they do their thing, and you have your thing. And I was like, I remember looking her thinking, Wait, that exists somewhere? I want that. I want that so bad. Because there's things I really enjoy about motherhood, and there's things I really don't enjoy about motherhood.

What do you think appeals to you in that thought? Why would you want that so bad?

One, because that means there's other women around in the same situation. And I know what women need to talk. You need each other. I learned that from my grandmother and my mom and some things that they did growing up. And the gift that that was to me to know how to gather women. I saw that in my childhood, in my teenage years, and then as an adult. I think part of that is because you can't give your kids everything they need. I know I am their mother for a reason, but also they're my kids for a reason. And I'm learning things from them just as much as they're learning things from me. But I also know that I will not teach them everything they need. I I need other people in my life to love them and to teach them things that I can't teach them and that they won't hear from me. It's a joke. I'm friends with moms who have more teenagers in our church community. It's funny because I'm a youth leader, so I hang out with their kids a lot, and their kids love to come hang out with my husband and I.

And we joke sometimes when we go out to lunch, I'm like, Okay, what do you need your kids to hear that they're not hearing? We'll say it at our house so that they can hear it.

That's amazing.

I say it as a joke, but it's also true because you need that. And your kids need to be loved by you and by other people. And so a really good therapist said to me once, Every child has a need to be unconditionally loved by someone. And sometimes that's your parents. I think most of the time it's not your parents because I don't know. I don't know. Some people get that, and some people don't. I want to love my children that way. I don't know if they're going to understand my love that way. I pray, and I hope that they do, but that's also... I'm going to do my best, but I know they might not understand my love that way. Really trying, but if I can have people around them in that gag circle of women and kids who just love them, then I can help and pray and please that God will help them feel that. So I don't know if any of that makes sense.

It does. What does that look like to just love them or to love them unconditionally? What does that even mean?

Well, can you define it? It's a complicated question, Jackie. You're welcome. No, I can't. I cannot define that.

Because how do you know?

I know. I had this conversation with my four-year-old today in the car. She was asking about, How do we know Jesus loves us? And I was like, it's a great question. And I said, well, how do you know I love you? She said, I don't know. And I was like, Cool. Okay.

Honest.

I don't know. I know you do. I'm like, Okay, well, you know I do. That's cool. So we continue the conversation. To answer that, I'm going to go to something I do that I hope my children always remember is I read them the same book every night, and I've done it since my oldest was a newborn. It's a book I received from my parents when I was a teenager. It's called, Wherever You are, My Love, Will Find You by Nancy Tillman. Every night, at the end of our nighttime routine, we'll read some other books, and we sing some songs. And then as they're falling asleep, we do one of two things. And one of those things that we do is I recite this book to them. And the book starts with, I wanted you more than you ever will know. So I send love to follow wherever you go. And it starts to explain this love that follows. And the pictures are just beautiful. And it was a book that I read when I started to really understand my higher power's love for me and when I really needed that. And so I give it as gifts often, but I say it to my children every night.

For me, it's the way I would define it. It goes through, talks about when you're sad, when you're lonely, When you think you've done something bad, put your face to the sky, feel the wind in your hair. That's me, my sweet baby. My love is right there. And in the end, it's this message of, Hold your head high and march to the front of your own parade because you're still my sweet baby, and I'm still there for you wherever you go. And so I know that my parenting is not going to be as beautiful and eloquent as that book in trying to help them feel that unconditional love. But I hope they remember that rhythm in our life. And there's other rhythms we do that reminds them. My daughter and I have a little sign language thing that says, I love you. We point to our eye and then our heart and then point to each other. And it's funny. And we both giggle. It's great. And there's another thing we do as well. After I have to correct her. And there's a correction that needs to be made. She's four. She started lying lately.

She blames her farts on her sister, which is actually hilarious. And I laugh. But we've had to talk about, okay, well, are you being funny or something will happen? And it's off. I saw her kick her sister. She's like, I didn't kick her. And I'm like, okay, I understand this, right? Here we are. It's like trying to teach. And after we have to correct or sit together and take a break. We have this exchange where I asked her, I said, Who loves you no matter what? She knows the response. It's mommy, daddy, and Jesus. It's just like, That reassurance of like, this is just... I'm correcting because my job is to teach you, and this is how we keep everyone safe and how we love each other in the mess of life. And at the end of it all, no matter what you do, I still love So we really try to teach that, but I don't know how it's going to turn out because they're young. So we'll see what happens.

What I'm hearing you say is that it's in the small moments. It's not something that you just do once and they figure it out, right? No. It's all the little moments. It's every single night creating that routine, that rhythm of helping them to know that they're loved, that they're lovable. And I really think that's beautiful.

Well, and Jackie, the other thing, and you'll get this, is how often do you need that reminder as a mom? Sure. Even now, your kids are grown. I know your life also isn't idyllic. No one has the ideal life. It's all a lie, okay? You don't have social media. It's a lie. It's just a lie. Anyways. But so many times I will be saying that or doing that with her or with my baby who's two, who is the cuteest thing, but she's also a nightmare right now. She's learning that no boundary, right? She's realizing we're separate. It's a tense time with her. And my husband and I look at each other and we're like, What are we going to do? But the number of times at night that I say to her, I wanted you more than you ever will know. That's so true. I did. And her delivery, especially, was a really powerful experience for me. It was really hard, but it was really meaningful. And I'm so grateful for that because I go back to that. I'm just like, I love you so much. I can be patient in this moment. So it's funny because it goes both ways.

I want them to remember that, but I also realized that I am very fallen and weak, and I need that reminder, too, so that I can be patient. And try, keep trying, because I think we talked a little bit about what a good mom means.

Yeah.

And I'm like, You just have to keep trying. You just don't give up, because don't give up on loving your kids, and they'll be nice.

And looking back now, from the perspective of what makes the biggest difference for kids when they're older, it is those small moments. They remember those things because those are the things they're like, I remember when. And they'll have those moments pop into their minds at the most opportune times when they're really struggling. Those routine rhythm things come to their memory, and I know that to be true.

I hope so. We'll see. I feel like I'm in the experimental stage of motherhood.

As you talk about loving unconditionally, you see your kids a certain way. What do you want most for them now and in the future? What keeps you doing the moming thing, I guess?

Yes. Yes. Honestly, and this is my husband and I, both really feel strongly about this, which is one reason why I knew I should marry him and have children with him, is we want them to be resilient above all else. We want them to know they can handle life when it comes. The first few years of mine and my husband's marriage were really difficult for us, actually not in a relationship, but in my mental and physical health. And we really faced some realities quickly. And we were both so grateful for some things our parents had taught us and shown us about resilience, and that we can do hard things, and we don't need to be scared of hard things. And the reason why I think I want them to know they are so loved is so they feel free to chase after whatever they want to chase, to honor their gifts, their talents that they have been given, and to find happiness when the complexity comes, right? I don't know what else you want for your kids. I'm not the parent that wants to shelter them on Honestly, I'm not. And I want them to know they can handle whatever comes, and that their mom and dad will be right there with them.

So do you feel like you learned that from your parents? And is that something that can be taught?

Yeah, I feel like I learned it from my parents and from my life experience. I'm not under the illusion that I had perfect parents. They gave me as much of my challenges as anyone, and they gave me everything I needed to handle them. I love that. It's this paradox of, Yeah, I'm not going to create the perfect happy place. You're not going to be free of challenges. I get it. You're going to probably want to go to therapy because of me someday. Do it, please. But I hope in that challenge that they have, that they can also feel what I feel and that my parents gave me everything I needed to handle what came my way because they taught me that life wasn't going to be easy, but dealing with the heart and embracing it would bring actually more joy in the end and more meaning and purpose in life. And I'm someone that really I need a purpose. I need it. It's just the way it came. I don't know why, but it's part of who I am.

How do you feel like you teach that? So we just said, yes, it can be taught. Is it just everyday stuff? Are you intentionally teaching that?

I learned about this great theory in college. My degree was in family psychology, and so I researched a lot about family dynamics and how to build an intentional family and build family values and all those things. And one of the things that really impressed me in my studies from a great teacher, Dr. Heather, she talks about flow. A lot of people know about flow, right? And flow is this balance between the challenge and fun. And in flow, you lose track of time. When you are really in the flow of something, there's no time. You're like, wow, that went by so fast. If you've ever been horseback riding, our family loves to horseback ride. I'm not very good at it. But most of the time, sometimes it appears to more of a challenge for me. But most of the time it's this balance between fun and recreation. And That's where you learn a lot. You learn, Oh, I can take on a little bit of a challenge, and it can be fun, and I can overcome it. And so I feel like I really apply that theory in things with my kids. They're really young right now.

So I'm just barely starting to get to this point where I can do this, which is fun. But my husband loves to push the girls to do more than I think they can do, which is part of why we need them. It's what they were made for. And so the other day, my husband pulls out his ladder and he's like, I don't want them to be afraid of heights. So we're going to just climb up and down the ladder. And so he sets up his ladder in our living room. I'm dying on the couch because it's not a small ladder, right? And my children are small, but he's right there with them, and he teaches them how to go up and all the way down. And now they love it, right? And like, here we go. And he definitely had to coach him through like, it's going to be okay. Yesterday, we were at a museum, and there was this exhibit where you could put your hand in a fake alligator's mouth to make something happen. You waved inside the mouth to make it another thing happen in the exhibit. My children were scared with ours by myself.

I'm like, We're just going to walk away, whatever. But my sweet husband's like, No, guys, look, here we do it. So he and I both do it, and they're Oh, okay, we can do it. So they're a little bit scared, but then they do it and they're like, Oh, it's not scary. Little things, big things. My husband really loves to take my oldest camping right now, and she helps him cut the firewood. She helps him start the fire. She helps him set up the tent. Just letting her try all of those things that I could absolutely do by myself that would be way easier to do by myself. And 70 % of the time I do them by myself because it's really starting to get to the point where I can apply this whole principle of flow and letting her engage some more. Anyway, so, yeah, that's a lot of- I love it. Really how we try and do it. It's not perfect. I'm no Montessori mom. You see all these moms on Instagram that are like, my child can make herself breakfast and got her own strawberries. And I'm like, bless you.

You're amazing. Well, experience is what I'm hearing you say. There's intentional experience because you know that this is what you see they're going to need for their future. And so it's like, how do we establish experiences that they're going to be able to have that create this space for them to be more resilient.

Yeah. I love it. Completely. Yeah. We'll see how it turns out in this experimental phase.

I like it. There's something that you brought brought up when we were talking, and you talked about wholism and whole mothering. Talk about what your thoughts were about that. What is whole mothering? Is that a phrase that you just came up with?

Yes. I'm not really sure what it means yet because I just thought about it. But as I look across from the time I first got pregnant, there was that whole mother in me, right? It was small and throwing. I think a whole mother I don't know if I like that question because I don't know how to answer it, Jackie. I don't know. What would you say? What would you say, Jackie?

I think that when I think about whole, I think about complete. I think about each aspect of mothering and how each aspect of ourselves, that spiritual side, the physical side, the mental side, the emotional side, all coming together to create the environment, the culture, and the experiences that allow for that growth in our children because they're seeing us do it.

Yeah. And I think a lot of times we think about motherhood, at least for me right now, I get lost in this. As a stay at home mom, I get lost in the physical labor.

Sure.

And it looks different when you're working mother, and you have to, you and your partner are exchange more of those physical demands of the household and all of those things. But what we don't talk about a lot as mothers is the point that is what you were just talking about is the spiritual, the emotional, the personal health portion, mental health part of mothering when you're giving life. That is, in Any woman that gives life, I think in any type of way, is a mom. And divine demand that is hard to put into words, but I think it's one reason why moms cry. For some moms, we have, you become a mom and it makes you soft. You become a parent, it makes you softer. And because these little humans are so helpless to start off with, right? When you first have that newborn and you're like, She You literally can't do anything for yourself. But I also don't really know how to do it because I've never done it before. That beautiful process of learning together, getting to know your baby, learning what your baby likes, is the most beautiful dance you ever have in life because it's that emotional bonding and identity be that you don't remember from your own childhood, but you get to see it in a homely way when you have a child.

It requires a whole spectrum mental acuteness and light and love that you just didn't know you had in you until it's demanded of you.

Yeah. I want to interject that whole mothering and doing this from a wholeness does not mean perfectness, because complete doesn't need to be perfection.

Yeah. No. Perfect is out the window.

Absolutely. Yeah.

It's out the window.

But you can come from all aspects of yourself. And I like that you're like, yeah, I'm providing their needs physically, whether that's making food, bathing, all changing diapers, whatever that is, there's a lot of demand there. I think that that bonding and that connecting helps you to be able to get to the point where they're older and there is more of that emotional need because the older they get, the less physical it is and the more emotional, spiritual, those kinds of things. And so I think that those physical things help to create the situation of trust so that they do rely on you for those other deeper connections when you're teaching those other parts of them.

Yeah. I feel like I say this often. It's like, I really love my little people problems. I have a lot of control right now as a mom. I decide what the schedule is. I mean, I talk. I'm pretty flexible. But I decide what the schedule is. I do this, right? I have a lot of control, and I know that that is going to change. And I feel like I'm prepping for that stage that will come next. You're talking about where it demands a lot more emotional maturity and capacity from me to sit with my kids and walk them through whatever comes. I know it'll be a whole different challenge than what my life is now.

And I think that's what's cool about you being friends with other moms who have teenagers because you are relying on their experience as well because it's your moms have to mom together where you're like, How did you handle this situation? How did you deal with this or that? And so that's, I I think one of the beauties of that mom community, where it's not just like everybody has the same age kids as you. It's also moms who are a little bit further along, a little bit more emotionally mature, maybe. Those types of things that can be an example. Yes.

And I'm so grateful for our church community where I found that. I know a lot of people struggle to find that, but reaching out, being the one to initiate things. My mom taught me this. She's like, If you need something, look for someone else who might need that same thing and give it to them, and it will come back to you. And I've really learned that in It's really hard to do sometimes. I'm like, I don't want. I'm naturally an introvert. But yeah, it is that I find a lot of confidence and comfort in having that, that I can turn to people. I know in my family, that's that way. And today, I'm pretty sure I found a tickrash on my four-year-old. So first thing I do is text all my sisters who are older than me who all have children. And I'm like, you ever dealt with this before? Anyone? Advice? Sharing weight of motherhood.

That mother load.

Yes. Share the mother load, guys. You have to. So you're not supposed to do it by yourself. You are not. Every time I see a new mom, I'm like, who are you hanging out with? Who are you talking to? Do you want to come over? You want to hang out with me? Because you have to share the mother load. Yeah. There's just no other way of doing it.

So one of the questions that I would love to get to, I think fits in here perfectly, is what is weighing on your heart as a mom right now?

Right now, I have been thinking a lot about, am I doing what's right for my kids? Which is funny at the end of everything we've talked about. I don't know if I'm doing what's right for them. I hope I am. I do my best. But that's for me right now, it's about, am I doing what's right for them? Am I giving them what they need to arrive in life because they have their unique struggles. And oftentimes with your partner, you might not agree exactly on how to approach them. And there's not a good way to answer that question, I don't think. I'm learning to see my children in the grand perspective of things in that I want to be right by my God in how I parent them and right by them in how I parent them. But I am really seeking out what are their personal gifts and challenges that I need to either celebrate with them, help them cultivate more, whether that's at school or with friends or time with my husband and I or however that looks. I think about it a lot. And there's no good guidebook. So if anybody has a guidebook, let me know.

Parenting books are not very helpful sometimes. So Yeah, I don't really know what that looks like, but here we are, figuring it out.

If you could tell a story of when you have felt deeply that even in that moment, you were doing it right. What was that like?

So we, maybe a year ago or so, we were really struggling at night time, and I could not figure out how to help my children transition. And we ended up signing up for a music class that I loved. But I learned a lot from watching this teacher teach the kids, transvesting them between activities and all these things. And I had an idea to start having a family party every night after dinner. So we eat dinner together. Sometimes My husband is back from work, sometimes he's not. But wherever we are after dinner at night, we have family party. Family party is 10 minutes of whatever the kids want to play. And my husband and I really try to just be present. Sometimes I'm holding laundry because my husband plays. But however it works, we play for 10 minutes. And at the end, we have this little thing that brings us back together. And we either sing a song and say a prayer or, you know, recite a scripture and say a prayer, whatever. It's how we wrap things up, and then we go to bed. And that, for me, has been a really good moment and a success to see My oldest especially love it, ask for it every day.

When it doesn't happen, it's like, What are you talking about? We're not doing this. And so we pretty much do it every day. But to see how there was clearly an unmet need made before in this structure of transitioning to bedtime that was really hard and learning from someone else, watching someone else, and saying, Okay, I see how my daughter is reacting in these situations when she's transitioning from things using play and music. Let's try something. And she loves... She's a party girl. She loves to have fun. It's funny It's funny because I implemented it, but I love that it came from someone else, and I didn't feel so alone in that struggle. There were things to see. There were people to observe and to learn from that way that they were mothering, honestly. Yeah, we're doing that right for us, and I don't think that would be right for everyone. Sure. But for us, that's the right thing, and it works. And it's not overly rigid. It brings a lot of happiness. It brings a lot of fun and bonding.

I love that. Is there anything that you wished I would have asked you that I didn't ask you, or if there was something else that you felt like you wanted to share?

Yeah. The one thing I thought about, especially for new moms, is finding good support when it comes to your physical health and honoring your physical health in the same way you'd honor your child's health. If your child is sick, you want to figure it out and get to the bottom of it. I had a really difficult recovery with my first, and it took over a year to figure out. I had had postpartum thyroiditis caused by Hashimotos, but it took four or five different doctors to finally figure that out. I had some really weird symptoms. I would get really light headed, and everything would go black for a few seconds at a time. I passed out a few times, and I'd feel really, really weak. It was hard to pick up my baby. It was hard to honestly shower some days, get off the couch, physically. Mentally, I was actually in... I mean, it was hard, but sometimes getting off the couch is related to depression. But this was a physical... I don't know if my body is strong enough to get off the couch or make it up the stairs because I would get so weak.

It was really difficult. I'd lost a ton of weight. But I had a really good doctor who looked at me and said, Have you been checked out? And I said, Well, not since my six-week appointment. And he said, If you're not healthy, the baby is not healthy. And in my mind, those things didn't equate yet. And we're doing all the things, feeding, and she was sleeping good. She was developing great, but I wasn't. And having a doctor look at me and be like, You need to go back to the drawing board here. And I I wasn't feeling good. I was trying. I was like, Okay, I got to eat more calories. I got to do this. I got to eat more protein. I got to... All of those things. Finding a great doctor who would take a bunch of different labs and help me start to figure things out and then go into specialists and It was a long road. I'm really grateful I ended up just being an autoimmune disease because there were markers of other things that were terrifying, but it is what it is now. Learning to take care of myself while taking care of her was a challenge and a gift in that first year of motherhood because I struggled to feel like I could be a good mom to her after realizing, Oh, I've been really sick.

Have I not been giving her what she needed or whatever, and all of that worry that came. But later realizing that it was all part of my own journey to learn. Anyways, yeah, I just hope moms take the time to take care of themselves.

I think that's a really interesting balance that moms do struggle with a lot, ignoring the physical symptoms. I remember it wasn't until my youngest was four that I felt like I was finally coming out of the maternity fog, and I realized it was because I never prioritized my sleep. I'm like, oh, that's why I had brain fog for 14 years.

Yeah. Sleep, guys. The sleep of a... No, No one functions on as little sleep as mother's, okay? It's crazy. No. I think that goes back to what we talked about and what feels right, what feels like the right thing can be really hard to tell because your instinct is so innate to protect, to feed, to take care of, to make sure they are okay, that you will sacrifice yourself. It's such a primal thing. You see it in nature, right? But you have to stop and use the frontal lobe. Be like, Okay, really got to take care of myself, okay? What are we going to do? And I don't think it looks the same to everyone, but sleep, food, really important.

Yeah. Well, I think it lends itself to this thought of staying true to yourself.

Yes, absolutely. Staying true to yourself and being in tune with your the whole mother, right? The whole piece of you. Not just the giving piece, not just the nurturing piece, but the physical, the emotional, the spiritual piece that contributes to the meaning and the motivation to keep doing the giving and the nurturing and the loving and connecting of mothering. So, yes. Yeah.

Thank you.

Thanks, Jackie.

I love this because when we talked about doing this, it was an idea of our conversations that we've had in the past have been so good. And I think that recognizing that there was something here that other moms could learn from. And I think there's a lot there that we've been able to cover that will be so helpful. So thank you so much.

Thanks, Jackie. So good. So fun.